If you are reading this because it just happened, we are so sorry. Take a breath. Nothing on this page is urgent in the next hour. Most of what the world tells you needs to happen right away does not. The handful of things that do have a deadline, we have put first. The rest can wait until you have slept.
This guide walks through the first 48 hours, the first week, and the rest of the month. It ends with a short list of what can wait, and what not to do. It is not legal advice. Rules vary by country; a short phone call to a local lawyer or the funeral director will fill in the specifics.
The first 48 hours.
If the death was at home.
Call a doctor or the local emergency number right away. Do not move the body. In most countries a doctor, coroner, or medical examiner needs to certify the death before anyone can arrange collection. If the death was expected (hospice, long illness), the doctor already on the case will usually come. If it was sudden, the police may also attend as a matter of procedure. That is normal and not a suggestion of wrongdoing.
If the death was in hospital or hospice.
The staff will guide you. Ask the ward or hospice:
- When the medical certificate of cause of death will be ready.
- Which funeral director they recommend. You are never required to use their first suggestion.
- Where the body will be held, and for how long.
- Whether a post mortem will be needed.
Tell the people closest in.
Three or four phone calls, no more. The spouse. The children. A parent, if they are living. The closest friend. These are the calls you may regret if they hear from someone else. The rest can wait a day.
Open the folder, if there is one.
If your family has a Legacy Record (or anything like it), now is the moment. Look up:
- Burial or cremation wishes
- Who the funeral director should be
- Who the pastor or officiant should be
- Where the will is kept
- Who to call at the bank and the insurer
If there is no folder: check the top drawer, the bedside table, and the handbag. Most people keep their most important papers in one of those three places.
The first week.
Register the death.
Every country does this differently. In most places you have between 5 and 30 days to register the death at the civil registrar (or equivalent). The funeral director often does this for you; ask them. You will need:
- The medical certificate of cause of death
- The deceased’s ID (passport, national ID, driving licence)
- Your own ID
Get certified copies of the death certificate.
Ask for ten. You will not use them all, but every bank, insurer, pension, and government department will want its own original (or certified copy). Getting more at once is cheaper than going back.
Make funeral arrangements.
Your funeral director will walk you through the choices. A short list of what to decide:
- Date and location of the service
- Burial or cremation, and where
- Readings, hymns, and who speaks
- Flowers, or donations to a charity instead
- The order of service (photo, short biography, running order)
- Pall bearers
- What they wear
- Food and drink after
If the folder recorded any of these, you are halfway through this list already.
Tell these people this week. Everyone else can wait.
- The employer or last employer. They often have a death benefit and need to stop payroll.
- The pastor, priest, imam, or community leader.
- The funeral director (above).
- The deceased’s doctor and any ongoing medical providers, to stop appointments and medication deliveries.
Everything else (banks, insurers, utilities) can wait until next week, when you have the death certificates in hand.
Write a short announcement.
One sentence is enough. A longer version can go in the newspaper, at church, or on social media. A simple template:
It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of [Name], on [date], at [age]. The service will be held at [place], on [date], at [time]. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [charity, if any].
Agree with the family who posts it, and where, before anyone else does. Nobody should learn of a death from a feed.
Weeks two to four.
Notify the institutions.
With the death certificates in hand, tell:
- Every bank and credit union. Ask them to freeze auto-debits before closing accounts.
- Life insurance. Start the claim.
- Health insurance. Close the policy; a refund of unused premium may be due.
- Home and motor insurance. Continue cover on the home; transfer the vehicle when ready.
- Pension provider, NIS, or social security.
- Credit card providers.
- Utilities (power, water, phone, internet).
- The landlord, if they rented.
- Streaming services and subscriptions (Netflix, Spotify, newspapers).
- The tax office.
- The lawyer or executor named in the will.
Keep a simple list of who you told, when, and what they said next. One page in a notebook is enough. You will refer to it for months.
The will and probate.
Call the lawyer named in the will, if there is one. If there is no lawyer, call any lawyer the family trusts. In most jurisdictions probate takes between six months and a year, sometimes longer. Do not expect to settle the estate in the first month; expect to start it.
If there is no will: the lawyer will explain the local rules of intestacy. The folder, if there is one, is not a substitute for a will, but it will tell you where the money is, which is what the lawyer needs first.
The home.
- Collect spare keys from relatives, neighbours and helpers.
- Change the locks if keys were widely held, or if they lived alone.
- Pick up the mail, or ask a trusted neighbour to.
- Clear the fridge of perishables, but leave the rest.
Pets.
Settle any pets with a family member or trusted carer in the first week. Pets grieve too, and a sudden move to a stranger makes it worse.
Social media.
Facebook, Instagram, and Google all allow a page to be memorialised or closed. There is no rush. If the account is being misused, you can request a freeze right away. Otherwise, wait until after the funeral.
What can wait.
- Thank-you notes. Three months is normal. Nobody is counting the days.
- Cleaning out clothes, books and belongings. Most families wait six months to a year. Some things keep their smell, and that may be the most useful thing in the house for a while.
- Selling the house, the car, or the family land. Any big decision in the first six months is a decision made in fog.
- Family arguments about inheritance. The lawyer will handle the money. The relationships are more important.
- Replying to every well-wisher. A short group message is kinder to yourself than ten long ones.
What not to do.
- Do not post anything on social media before the closest family has been told in person or by phone.
- Do not make major financial decisions in the first month. Not the house, not the car, not a new job.
- Do not share the deceased’s PINs, passwords, or banking details with anyone, even family, until the executor or lawyer tells you to. Fraud against estates is common and quiet.
- Do not sign anything the funeral director, the insurer, or a lawyer hands you without reading it. If you are too tired to read it today, it can wait until tomorrow.
A gentle last word.
In six months you will have forgotten most of this week. The tasks will be done, or redone, or forgotten. What will stay is how you treated the people in the house with you. Rest when you can. Eat. Let the people who want to help, help. The paperwork will wait.
If The Legacy Record is in the house, it will carry you through most of the rest. If it is not yet, you can see what is inside: what’s inside the folder.
Warmly,
The Legacy Record